Yes, absolutely. It’s really tough to get through and I wish I had some magical wisdom to help you get through it. Without specifics, it’s hard not to feed you platitudes.
BUT what usually helps me is trusting that the feeling will pass. Even at the lowest points, the sun will come out again soon. It will feel right again.
“Pain is real when you can get other people to believe in it. If no one believes it but you, your pain is madness or hysteria or your own unfeminine inadequacy. Women have learned to submit to pain by hearing authority figures–doctors, priests, psychiatrists–tell us that what we feel is not pain.”
ive eaten shrimp exactly 5 times in my life, always with gusto and an utter lack of self-restaint, and each time has ingrained itself in my memory as distinctly nightmarish when they ended with me ralphing it all back up within the hour. i thought this was reflective of my hubris and insufficient fear of god, but it is only as i write this post now, crumpled to my knees on the floor of this eresto’s bathroom after eating half a baja taco and recalling that my dad is allergic to shellfish, i realize perhaps the issue is not with a higher power, but with a deeper one. biology.
do you ever just crave domesticity? to coming home to a partner, meld into them like you do your bed after a long day, soak your mind in the serenity of theirs like a warm bath to soothe the knots in your body, wrap yourself in their warmth and just fucking sigh from pure comfort
“Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting, see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does, get him drunk - you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can’t change people, baby girl. If they are made one way, it doesn’t just wear off. If you hate how he acts when he’s out of it now, you’re going to hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit.”
self care is also being honest with yourself about your negative habits and mistakes. it’s also taking ownership of your faults and growing from them. self care is diverting from a negative space to a positive one. creating light and balance. blooming. watering your own flowers. being gentle but honest with yourself.
I did the being edgy and self-deprecating thing, it gets old. I wanna be soft and lovely and easily impressed. I wanna appreciate all the little things that make me happy the same way I’ve dwelled on every single thing that upsets me.
